somebody that i used to know ,

[JASON KURT ASTOR]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 2em; -moz-border-radius: 2em; background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/14e9a45.jpg), width: 400px; height: 400px;] i'm all washed out by the side of the road broken bones matilda left a note with a rose saying baby honey child i love you so long but you deserve much better than me so i'm just burning all around all the miles on the road and i'm never going back and i'm never going home i been gone too long i been less right than wrong - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i lost so much blood in the falling out “Really? So tell me. How did we meet? Have we known each other for that long?” She sat down at one of the bar stools. After a brief hesitation, he circled back round behind the bar – where he was supposed to be – stacked her medical documents and the photograph in a haphazard little pile on the counter, then leant forward on his elbows opposite her. Giving himself time to think. “Uh… we met when we were kids. Pretty young. I don’t remember how exactly. Just… that you were my only friend for a really long time, and when you weren’t busy filming and being all Hollywood or whatever, we’d pretty much always be together. And… we were in different schools, and neighbourhoods, and you were always away and sometimes the only time I saw you for weeks would be on t.v., in that sitcom thing, and… I always thought we must have been something real special if we could still call ourselves friends even with all that.” He hesitated, cleared his throat, feeling somehow bare and vulnerable by the admission. The old Grace might have laughed at him for saying something stupid and touchy-feely like that – regardless of whether or not she felt the same – but it seemed somehow safer telling the New and Improved Grace this. She wanted to know these things, she’d asked… But now she was asking something else. Something much more difficult. “What am I like anyways? I’ve seen a bunch of interviews with me and other people, but what do you think? Of the old Gracie I mean.” He raised his eyebrows. Thinking about how to answer this question with any semblance of tact. The old Gracie was selfish and impulsive. The old Gracie wanted everything to revolve around her. The old Gracie, once upon a time, had lied to him and kissed him just to stop her friend Katie from pursuing him. He remembered being so angry about that. Furious. Katie was so pretty and smart and she liked him, and he’d never have another chance to get a girl like that, but oh no, Grace owned him. Or thought she did. She had no romantic intent towards him at all, but she just wouldn’t share him. Even if it would have made him happy. After they’d fought and gone their separate ways, he and Grace, he’d given Katie a call. They’d hung out a few times. It was nice. Normal. Not ‘Gracelyn Bell’ intense. Except that Katie wouldn’t stop asking him about her. She got paranoid. “Do you like her? Are you thinking of her when you’re with me? I can’t do this! How the hell am I supposed to compete with her?” “You’re – um –” He thought about it a little more, trying to find nice but honest things to tell her. But now all he could think of was that girl Katie, and how much he’d hated Grace for wrecking a good thing. “You know. Strong-willed. Stubborn, I suppose. I mean, you always knew what you wanted and how to get it and…” He gave a short laugh, as if it was no big deal. “God have mercy on whoever got in your way.” He realised afterwards how bad this sounded. He’d meant it as a good thing, when he’d started, but it hadn’t worked out. He tried again. “And you were… you were… funny. Wicked sense of humour. And well, God you could be annoying. But in a kid-sister way, you know. You were the sister I never knew I wanted.” The selfish, twisted, conceited little sister who one minute made his life worth living, and the next made it hell. But his sister nonetheless. Just as she’d been so convinced he’d belonged to her that she’d had to drive everybody else away, he knew that she belonged to him. His. His sister. His friend. His girl. He’d scared away more than his fair share of guys after her attentions, but that had mostly been back in the days when he’d… well, when he’d loved her. It served no purpose to gloss over that. It had happened. For a point of about a year and a half back in his late teens / early twenties, he had been convinced that he was in love with her. He wasn’t sure what had happened about that. One day, he’d just woken up and realised it wouldn’t happen. She’d never love him, and he wasn’t sure that he even wanted her in anything more than an abstract way. Sure she was beautiful and closer to him than anyone on the planet, but did he really love her? Like in a ‘Let’s get married and live together and have babies’ kinda way? No. Christ. Even in the height of his lovesick delirium, he’d never been desperately enamoured enough to believe he could have lived happily ever after with Grace. They would have driven each other crazy. He was glad when she agreed to the beer, just so he had the opportunity to duck beneath the counter and escape from her. Just for a second. This was way too much for him. All the thoughts and feelings it was bringing back, all the difficult awkward questions. It’d been a very long time since something this emotionally significant had happened to him. He re-emerged from the chiller beneath the counter with two beers. Twisted the cap off one and slid it over the bar towards her. He pressed his own beer to the side of his face briefly, relishing the feel of the cool glass, soothing his headache. “So Jace, tell me about yourself…” Oh Lord. From one bad question to another. He was tempted to tell her that she just didn’t want to know. That’s what he told everyone else. The only reason the old Grace had known much of his life history was because she’d lived much of it with him. He hated people knowing things about him. You let too many people know too many things and it’ll always come back to haunt you. “You must be an interesting individual since my old self seemed to like you so much.” She teased. For just a second, she was the old Grace. Watching him with that coolness in her eyes, that mischievous but detached spark. Yeah. He definitely wasn’t telling her too much. “Born and raised in Louisville, Kentucky. Mom died when I was a kid, so me and my brother moved here to live with my Aunt. Met you. Got on with things. Grew up. Got a job tending bar, because I needed the money. That’s all there is to tell, really. My life story isn’t as interesting or… glittery as yours, for sure.” He shrugged. He’d conveniently left out the part about him being a raging alcoholic and drug addict, but hey, why ruin a good thing with honesty? They were getting on fine without either of their skeletons being dragged into things, and it’d probably be best if it just stayed that way. note – haha, surprise. lovelovelove. <333 yes, they should get married and have screwed up babies. looool. x] ♥ ♥ ♥ template by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 LYRICS BY THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM

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[GRACELYN AYLA BELL]

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when stars go blue,

his story made her smile. they had known each other for that long? and the fact that she was his only friend for a while? was she that special? were they really that close? gracie liked to think that the two of them were best friends. like they couldn’t live without each other. she had that picture in her mind. almost like in the movie flipped she recently saw and the boy and the girl ended, she believed, up as high school sweethearts. aww, wouldn’t that be cute? but she wanted to have that relationship with someone. she wanted to be that close. inseparable as the web called it. or maybe just make them seem like everything was good for once. she wanted to have someone who was going to be there for her. it was a lot to be asking especially after knowing the guy for only a few minutes but he seemed special. sure she had started about thinking like that about nearly everyone she met since she didn’t know who was who and what their relationship was, but jace seemed different. he seemed very genuine in his concern and she liked how he didn’t completely rush up to her and ask if she was okay just like everyone else did. it was different, but it was refreshing. grace had a feeling that he was also a little lost. she didn’t know how or why or whether she was completely overanalyzing the situation, but jace seemed a little, well, unsure of himself. maybe of his identity or why he was put onto this earth. but then again, it didn’t surprise her too much. everyone was lost in their own way whether it be with school or work or anything of those sorts. maybe that was their common ground. grace glanced at him and shook her head the slightest, “i know i only met you a few minutes ago and this whole situation is ridiculous and it seems very hollywood movie scene like, but you can trust me. and it sounds like you and her were friends. close friends... i wish i could say something a little more comforting or dear abby advice column like, but... i know that the old grace cared about you just as much as you do for her, maybe even more.” there were journal entries to prove it and although she wouldn’t tell him about seeing ‘mrs. astor’ scribbled on her notebook covers, the least she could do was attempt to build a new friendship between her and jace.

she couldn’t help but laugh a little as well. she liked the sound of his laughter. it was refreshing and it lit up his eyes, even if it was just for a little moment. but it sounded like he cared for grace, for her. she didn’t even know whether she was the same person anymore. was she strong willed? or stubborn? or... she knew what she wanted... was that manipulative? grace was trying to figure out everything in her head. was she mean? or was she spirited and outgoing? there was a huge difference and the fact that she could have ever been mean was beyond her. no, she couldn’t be that way. she must have been nice... if she weren’t, then jace wouldn’t be talking to her. people wouldn’t be liking her or signing up to be in her fan clubs. not that she needed any fans because she hardly knew what she did for a living or what movies she had been in or who she worked with. everything was completely wiped out from her memory. she wanted to have it back, she really did, but nothing was there. grace put her elbows onto the counter and crossed her legs, “did you love her?” the words spilled out effortlessly. that’s what it sounded like and that’s what she meant. sure she was being a little blunt, but grace really didn’t know any other way to say it. if he did love her like she thought he did, then being here probably wasn’t the best idea. but if it wasn’t love, then was it still a good idea? she bit her bottom lip and peered again quickly at his expression. solemn, quiet, the silent sort of guy. gracie wanted him to like her, like the new grace. it wasn’t easy playing two people at this point and she wanted to make him like her, but what was the best way if he loved the other grace so much? just because there was amazing grace did not mean she was amazing at all. in fact, at this point, she felt hopeless. ordinary. there was nothing special about her and it seemed like there would never be anything special when she was always going to be compared to her old self. the one that died in the car accident.

her eyes widened as he told his story. he seemed like he went through a lot. his mom died? what about his dad? or grandparents? she decided not to ask, “i’m sorry to hear about your mom, but i’m glad that you had your brother with you. it must have made things easier, i’m guessing. do you two get along?” she took a sip of her beer before placing it back down on to the tabletop, her finger slowly touching the edges of the glass bottle. grace shook her head again. she couldn’t imagine living in a famous lifestyle for so long. she didn’t know how she and her sister went for so long with the spotlight constantly on them. it was funny to think that she couldn’t even remember any of this now. “a glittery life style looks overrated. i can’t imagine how i went through with it,” she admitted before adding, “i’m glad i met you though. even though it would be our second time. i need some normal in my life.” grace offered him a friendly smile. maybe he would lighten up around her and they could again be bestest of friends... or that was her vision, really.

tagged for pun / jason aka childhood cuties, 1014, i'm starting to think that we need an extended plot line if jace isn't taken 'cause i honestly love these two together (;

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THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY WILMETTA OF CAUTION.

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[JASON KURT ASTOR]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 2em; -moz-border-radius: 2em; background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/14e9a45.jpg), width: 400px; height: 400px;] i'm all washed out by the side of the road broken bones matilda left a note with a rose saying baby honey child i love you so long but you deserve much better than me so i'm just burning all around all the miles on the road and i'm never going back and i'm never going home i been gone too long i been less right than wrong - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i lost so much blood in the falling out Grace started on a speech about how he could trust her, how she knew her old self had cared for him as much as he cared for her. Things he already knew. He knew the old Grace had loved him – in whatever way she could manage. At least, she had, at one point. Before the arguments and the three in the morning fights over the phone and that time he’d sat on the sidewalk outside her house for twenty five hours straight trying to get her to stop ignoring him. Before all that. He already knew the truth in what she was saying, but the way she said it… the careful phrasing, the comforting reassuring smiles… “She’s really gone, isn’t she?” He asked after she’d finished. “The Old Grace. She’s not there anymore. Is she?” It was so clear, just in the simple patterns of her behaviour now. In the way she interacted with him. He was both devastated by this, and relieved. Things had gone so badly with the old Grace that there was no hope of repairing them. The New and Improved Grace was a clean slate, a fresh start. And more than that… she reminded him of the Old Old Grace. The Grace before stardom had made her selfish and twisted. The kid Grace he’d met when he moved to Miami all those years ago, who he used to play basketball with against his Aunt’s garage wall. With all the layers of fame and fortune and emotional trauma stripped back, she was that perfect girl all over again. So even though the woman he’d grown up with was gone, the girl was still there. A soft throb of love flitted his way through him – tenderness, affection, for this girl. Brotherly, he told himself. Brotherly affection. “Did you love her?” She asked suddenly, abruptly. The question took him by surprise. One of his elbows slipped off the bar and he smashed his funny bone against the edge of the counter top. Pain. Sudden, stubborn pain reverberating through the bones in his arm. As sudden and jarring as the question itself. Rubbing his funny bone through his shirt sleeve idly, he looked back to her. Into her face, just for a second before his eyes flitted away again. He couldn’t exactly look her in the eye with a question like that now, could he? “Yes.” He agreed reluctantly, after a moment. “In a way. For a while. I got over it, though. It never would have worked. Her and me.” It was easier to say ‘her’, but it felt strange. Bizarre. Grace was sitting across from him, the same face, same body, same piercing eyes, and yet he was talking about her like she was somewhere else. It was easy in the abstract to accept and understand that the person inside was different, but on the outside she looked exactly the same. He half-expected her to stand up, smirk and say ‘Surprise! Fooled you, dumbass.’ She began to express condolences about his sorry little life. He shrugged it off. “Don’t be sorry. It was a long time ago.” She asked if he and his brother got along, and startled, he laughed. All the things she didn’t know! It was so strange. She’d been right there with him the whole time. She’d met his brother, she knew him personally, had laughed about how identical they were but proved she could tell them apart anyway. And she’d come ‘round bearing consolation booze after his brother had cut him off, disowned him, and they’d sat on his couch drinking for hours, slagging off the stupid asshole. A lifetime of experience, of memories, that she no longer had. Although the clean slate thing was nice, he was a little sad about that. Her ignorance of their past. “No. No, my brother and I don’t talk. Haven’t for a long time.” “A glittery lifestyle looks overrated. I can’t imagine how I went through with it.” She said, and he nodded. He couldn’t imagine it either. He’d watched her do it for nearly as long as he’d known her, struggle under the weight of fame and public scrutiny, and he’d still had no idea. He certainly couldn’t have imagined it. Although there had been those occasional times when he’d been caught in the line of fire. When the two of them had gone out to get some lunch or something, and a week later he’d be sitting opposite her in various glossy magazine photos, under captions like ‘Gracelyn Bell’s new beau?’ Ugh. He’d hated that enough, and they didn’t even know his name. “I don’t know how you did it either. It was hard on you, I think. You never said so, though.” She never had. Not to him. What would he know about it, anyway? He couldn’t emphasise. And she’d always liked to pretend it was the best feeling in the world, being talked about and read about and examined every moment of every day. “I’m glad I met you, though…” She was saying now, giving him that soft, sweet old old Grace smile. God, he was weak. He was so weak. They’d been talking for what? Five minutes? And already she had him wrapped around her little finger all over again. He’d do anything to make her smile that. How ridiculously easily he’d forgiven all their past, now that she was here, different, smiling at him. Hadn’t he been angry with her just a minute ago? For something… or… never mind. “Yeah. I’m glad you tracked me down, Grace.” note – yesyesyes. i’ll pm you! <333 ♥ ♥ ♥ template by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 LYRICS BY THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM

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[GRACELYN AYLA BELL]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r71/maggiesrpstuff/BACKGROUNDS/ea5ncojpg.png); width: 420px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10; border: #363636 solid 2px;] [div style="background-image:url(http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy221/ONFIREFLYLANE/gr-1.jpg); height: 250; width: 400; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy221/ONFIREFLYLANE/gr-1.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

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when stars go blue,

she wanted to run. her manager was telling her to keep off the crazy stunts. to not go to the bar. to not get drunk. she didn’t need a damn adult. she was almost eighteen years old. she was basically an adult and didn’t need any of her manager’s shit. he was getting on her nerves and if he weren’t dating her best friend, she would have fired him a while back. and so there slumped grace on the couch of the dressing room. the door was locked and of course it was only after another meltdown did people finally get the message to leave her alone. she didn’t want to do deal with any of their crap and it was just getting annoying on how people thought they could relate to her but they couldn’t. no one knew what she was dealing with. ‘grace the ace’ they used to call her. she could do anything. she’s famous. she should come to my prom. she should solve world hunger with all her god damn money she’s earned over the years. what the hell. she was only seventeen years old. she barely lived a childhood and now, here she was forced to be doing shit that she didn’t even want to be doing? there was a reason why she missed jace right now. the two of them were in another little bicker, nothing too big, but he didn’t wan anything to do with her. not right now anyways. she had basically drawn over his notebook and his friends had seen it and it was embarrassing for him. especially when she was teasing him about a girl he liked. but really, jace was the only one who would understand her. could ever understand her. well, besides her sister, chelsea, but other than that. they were sort of on their own. she and chels. they only had each other. and that’s when the tabloids accused them of shutting out other people. it was true to a certain extent. but it was only ‘cause they knew what each other went through. without her sister, grace would basically have no one. she wouldn’t know who to turn to. and while jace was one of her only real friends, there was always that possibility of him leaving her. and that would. couldn’t ever happen.

in only a moment, grace wanted her old self to be back. jace seemed so lonely without her. he should be back with the old gracie. not this new one. not her. she would never be her. she didn’t even know what the girl was like. she wanted to do something, be that person that would make him smile and make him feel better, but she couldn’t think of anything to do. so after a little bit of pondering amongst herself, she finally shrugged, “i... i don’t think so.” he was going to be disappointed wasn’t he. she didn’t know how she could ever make this up to him. it was a bit of a bombshell at ten in the morning, but here she was. the last thing she really remembered was the crash. the sudden impact it had on her body, the tiredness that overtook her body, and the bright light that occurred before there was a sudden noise. after that, everything went black. it was almost like being in a condensed space that she couldn’t get out of. and now that she was awake, it was like being in a situation that she couldn’t get out of. grace wasn’t very depressed, she had to admit. as much as she hated not knowing what was going on, she was more curious than anything else. it was like in a mystery movie and she had to figure this girl out. figure out who gracelyn bell was. detaching herself from any emotional or physical aspect was the only way she could deal with it. she tilted her head to the right before taking another sip, “and why wouldn’t have it worked out?” this seemed even stranger than a dr. phil session. now tell me, when did grace bell have a sympathetic side?

she rolled her eyes as she took another sip of her drink, “i can’t believe your brother is such a goody two shoes. really, i’d rather have like. your life style. i mean. drinking... it’s much better than being a ‘regular person.” grace snorted, chugging down the rest of her beer. they had been going at this for almost three hours, drinking and blurting out their life stories. she couldn’t stand people who were such goody two shoes. she preferred people like jace who sort of went with the flow. dealt with whatever came at them. this was more of her crowd. sure it sounded like a bum crowd, the kind that just sort of slumped around, but for someone who was always on the go, it was definitely a nice change of pace. plus, she could at least depend on jace. unlike his brother, she didn’t know whether he would ever be able to go all out wild. and what was the point of hanging out with someone like that?

grace glanced at him, debating on whether to pursue the topic of him and his brothe ror not. she wanted to ask something, but what was it... it was on the tip of her tongue... “are you two alike?” she twirled a piece of blond hair around her finger nonchalantly. she and her sister seemed very much alike and yet, very different as well despite their identical appearances. she remembered when she first woke up and couldn’t remember anything, chelsea’s first task was to identify which was which twin in the photo. and frankly, it had taken a while for her to get it right. the main difference grace had to figure out was that there was a faint birthmark on her upper shoulder that she liked to say resembled the island of greece. she chuckled at his comment and took another sip. she was starting to get a sense of what grace, the old one was like. strong willed and independent. she also seemed to keep a lot of her emotions to herself though? maybe she was insecure about herself... possibly?

“i wouldn’t quite say that- you haven’t gotten through all of my questions yet,” grace laughed. hopefully he wasn’t too bothered with them. not yet anyways.

tagged for pun / jason aka childhood cuties, 1082, ehhh! not my bestest (:

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[JASON KURT ASTOR]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, border-radius: 2em; -moz-border-radius: 2em; background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/14e9a45.jpg), width: 400px; height: 400px;] i'm all washed out by the side of the road broken bones matilda left a note with a rose saying baby honey child i love you so long but you deserve much better than me so i'm just burning all around all the miles on the road and i'm never going back and i'm never going home i been gone too long i been less right than wrong - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i lost so much blood in the falling out “I… don’t think so.” She admitted, and he nodded. She was only confirming what he already knew. But she looked sad, guilty about it. He wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault. That maybe, even, it was better this way. But he couldn’t find the right words to express that without being downright offensive. “Makes no odds, Grace. You’re just a different kind of you, right?” He did his best to smile. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to – just that he found it difficult when trying to make a conscious effort. The second you start thinking ‘I’ve got to smile now to make her feel better’, the second your smile turns awkward and fixed. Oh well. “You… kind of remind me of… the younger you. Kid you. You were less abrasive as a child.” ‘Abrasive’? Christ. Could he just open his mouth without putting his foot in at least once today? Now he’d basically called the old Grace a bitch. Bravo. “And why wouldn’t it have worked out?” She asked now. Looking at him with polite curiosity. She reminded him of a Doctor. Or one of those quasi-Doctors in the rehab clinics, who looked at you with those big eyes and fixed smiles and asked questions about how you’re feeling every three minutes. Well, he didn’t know how he was feeling, or in fact, how to answer the actual question. The reasons all made sense in his head, but how to word them? Without insulting her. Again. “Oh. You know…” He paused, trailed off. Still trying to marshal his thoughts. He held up one hand so it was level with his eye line, then put his resting his other just an inch or so off the surface of the bar. “You were up here. And I was down here. In every way. ‘Out of my league’ is an understatement.” He shrugged, dropped his hands to back to the bar so he could resume leaning on his elbows. Then, still considering the question, he gave a short laugh. “Not to mention, we would have killed each other. Neither of us are… mild, compromising personalities. It would have ended with one of us murdering the other.” He hesitated once more, gave her a small smile to indicate there were no hard feelings. Past was past. “Just wouldn’t have worked is all.” “Are you two alike?” She asked, regarding his brother. Jason had to hesitate to think about it. He thought of Julian in some office in Tallahassee. That was all he really knew of his brother’s life. That he lived in Tallahassee and he worked in an office. The last time he’d visited his Aunt’s house to borrow money, she’d had a photograph of Julian up on the wall, and he’d been startled to realise that he and his identical twin did not even look very similar even more. Jason’s lifestyle had aged him, exhausted him, and by comparison his brother looked young and strong… and happy. Smug, even. But in temperament? They were very alike. Too alike. Stubborn and selfish and closed-off. And damaged too, in equal but opposite ways. That was really the only way they were different. Jason had crumbled beneath the weight of his emotional baggage and turned to ways to get out of his head to cope, whereas Julian had used it as fuel for the fire of his ambition. Jason was a loser, a screw up. Julian was a success. By no means was he perfect, though. He’d used that success to look down on and belittle Jason for years. Twice he’d tried to financially support him through rehab, and twice the program had failed and Jason had gone back to his old vices. Still, it wasn’t as though his brother tried to help him out of the kindness of his heart. It was for the sake of leverage. So if something suddenly clicked and Jason was magically fixed, it would be held over his head for the rest of their lives. Jason would always owe his brother. That was the only reason Julian did anything – so he could call in favours later on. But anyway, after the failed attempts at rehab, he’d finally snapped. Told Jason: “I’ve had enough, Jay. You just keep doing what you’re doing and maybe I’ll even come to your funeral. Have fun.” “Yes.” Jason said finally, measuredly. “And no. Doesn’t matter.” All this thinking of twins had reminded him suddenly of Grace’s sister. He hadn’t thought about her immediately. Didn’t know her well and liked her even less. But it wasn’t polite to just ignore her existence. “Chelsea. Was she in the accident? I should have asked earlier. Sorry.” “I wouldn’t quite say that. You haven’t gotten through all my questions yet.” Grace laughed. Instinctively, he did as well. Her laugh was sweet, infectious. “You have more torturous questions planned?” He replied lightly, mostly joking. “’Cos I think I’ll need another beer.” note -- it was fine. :] ♥ ♥ ♥ template by hay shay ! @ caution 2.0 LYRICS BY THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM

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