Post by sera on May 21, 2012 8:04:56 GMT -5
| [atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 460px; background-image: url(http://i44.tinypic.com/34fb0ns.jpg);-moz-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; -webkit-border-radius: 0px 0px 0px 0px; border: 4px ridge #7a9aa9, bTable][tr][cs=2] seraphina okelani bennett. nineteen. student. victoria justice. | |
[rs=2] | She acts like summer and walks like rain "Oh, well..I guess I've always been described as having a sunny, bubbly personality with a splash of goofy immaturity. Don't get the wrong idea, though. Actually, let me finish my train of thought. Contrary to popular belief, my life has never all been about sunshine and rainbows. There's a difference between that and surviving the day, only to cry yourself to sleep at night. I've always had an issue with pride and because of it, I've never been able to let anybody in. I always made it a point to give everybody the illusion that I was...well, happy. There were rare, fleeting moments where I was happy but they never lasted long. It was just long enough to give me the strength to find the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Most nights, I cried myself to sleep because my own father didn't even know who I was. Over the years, I've certainly come to view him as more of a....sperm donor, if you will. Most fathers make it a point to be with their families and provide for them. Mine was just the opposite. His money all went toward drugs and booze. He'd always either stumble in, or we'd find him passed out on the couch in the living room. My mother finally had enough of him and kicked him out. After that, even though we no longer had him in the house, things were undoubtedly better. Our perspective of him only got worse when he got arrested for possession of crystal meth. Let me just clear something up right now, though. I don't hate him. I hate what he's done to our family, especially considering we didn't have much money in the first place. To be honest, he's a lot of the reason I'm shooting to be come a prosecutor. Currently, I'm majoring in business and minoring in philosophy. I mean...why would I waste four years of education, only to be retaught the same material for another three years? Not to mention, I wanted to sort of break away from the image that people have of me. A lot of people think I'm too soft for my own good, and I'm sort of hoping to prove them wrong. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm the youngest, and there's always one of my siblings just waiting to beat the crap out of somebody for even looking at me funny. I mean, it's not a big deal, and they seriously need to take a chill pill. It's not like I'm following in Judas' footsteps and trying to screw every humanoid of the opposite gender that's even mildly attractive. If you tell him I said that, I'll shove that pen up your rear end. I don't even want to consider that just yet. I'm quite content as a single girl and with my luck, it'll probably stay that way for a while, not that I'm complaining. Another problem I have is that I'm too naive. I've always had this nasty habit of automatically putting my trust in everybody that I meet. It's just...I don't want to be one of those people that thinks everybody and everything is bad, y'know? I firmly believe that a person is innocent until proven guilty, even though it takes a while to see past that wretched thing that they call a mask. Some people resort to being crude to push people away because of some trauma that they've faced. Had it not been for the fact that I had personal experience with a criminal, I probably would have become a therapist. I also like to believe that people aren't born 'bad.' Something makes them that way and surprisingly, I am looping my father into that category as well. By the way, if you ever meet Judas, he's like a big teddy bear beneath that 'I'm so tough, fear me' persona so try not to let him cut you down or anything, 'kay?" Reminds me that there's time to change "Just because something seems to be a lost cause, it's not. Nothing is ever written in stone. You can change your future if you're determined enough. In the case of my father, he was always too numb to care and although we tried to make it work for as long as we could, we couldn't handle the emotional baggage that came with it so we sort of gave up on him. What people mistake for being a lost cause is really a lack of determination and your support system not actively supporting you for whatever reason. You can call me naive as much as you like but deep down, you know that's the truth of the matter. If you don't, perhaps you should learn to open up your heart a bit." She listens like spring and talks like June "Not sure if you've noticed this yet or not, but I'm very family-oriented. Without my wacky family, I wouldn't have made it as far as I did. They might not even know how much they've really helped me over the years. Judas was always the strong, silent type. He was there, even when you didn't want him to be. Like I sorta mentioned earlier, he's like a big teddy bear, and it's true. He always seems to know when something's up. At least, he did with me. He's the type that if you're upset, he'd demand whose butt he had to kick. He's very protective of his family, even though he seems to have the 'I don't care' outlook. I guess you've also sorta noticed how I always talk about him. Truth be told, I look up to him and sometimes, there's a part of me that wishes I could take after him, instead of being so..weak and dependent on others. If he doesn't know, he probably suspects it. If he doesn't, maybe I'll be able to take it to the grave with me." |
vee. 17. 5+. |
